You Might Be a Democrat If...

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  1. You believe in freedom of speech except for anyone that dares to disagrees with you
  2. You think the words "separation of church and state" are in the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights
  3. You believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
  4. You believe that money is the answer to everything, and if you throw enough money at a problem you can fix anything, even the truth.
  5. You believe that terrorists kill innocent people because they are misunderstood
  6. You believe that the same teacher who can't teach your kids how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
  7. You believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.
  8. You believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
  9. You believe that it is alright for you to lie to further your point of view, but it is wrong for other people to tell the truth to further an opposing point of view
  10. You believe that it is O.K. for illegal immigrants to live in the United States as long as they live very, very far away from you.
  11. You believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and are caused by soccer moms driving SUVs.
  12. You believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
  13. You are against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand and instantly pulling the plug on anyone who falls into a coma.
  14. You believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.
  15. You believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
  16. You believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
  17. You believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
  18. You believe it was O.K. for Bill Clinton to send U.S. troops into a new war without Congress' approval every nine weeks, but it is wrong for a Republican President to send troops anywhere, even with Congress' approval
  19. You believe it is O.K. for a Democrat to lie, cheat, and steal, because their heart is in the right place, but any Republican should be thrown into federal prison for incorrect spelling.
  20. You believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
  21. You believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
  22. You believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
  23. You believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
  24. You believe that every plan Republicans make is a bad idea, but you cannot form any plan of your own whatsoever.
  25. You believe that giving the government complete control over everything you do is a good idea.
  26. You believe that the entire Patriot Act is wrong even though you've never taken five minutes to read it on the Internet
  27. You believe that manipulating other people through guilt is O.K.
  28. You believe that allowing the Army to invade a state illegally without the governor's approval is O.K., and is better than actually getting a governor who is willing to call greyhound buses to transport natural disaster victims to medical help and living stations they had prepared ahead of time.
  29. You believe that you can blame the President for the failure of a state government's to do what it's supposed to do.
  30. You believe that the only reason that socialism fails whenever it's been tried is because people like you haven't been in charge.
  31. You believe conservatives that tell the truth belong in jail, but a Democrat that's liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
  32. You believe that any Conservative that is even accused of a crime is guilty, but any Democrat that is convicted and thrown in jail was unjustly convicted
  33. You believe that a conservative that is accused of a crime is guilty, but a liberal that's convicted and sentenced is innocent.
  34. You believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
  35. You believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interests of the United States.
  36. You believe that emotions, not facts, should affect objective decisions, regardless of who gets hurt.
  37. You believe that it is normal to get all choked up at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  38. You believe that Tony (Frank Sinatra) in the movie A Hole in the Head is victimized.
  39. You believe that this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

You Might Be a Democrat If

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